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The cocktail collection

Good spirits.
Bad intentions.

Pull up a chair.
We’ll make you something good.

Twenty-nine pours. A few questionable decisions.

Choose your spirit

Vodka14 drinks

The Dirty Bottom

Dirty martini. This filthy, salty treat is for those always willing to risk it.

Recipe

2.5 oz vodka or gin, 0.5 oz olive brine. Stir with ice, strain into a chilled martini glass, three olives.

The Circuit Queen

Espresso martini. A twink stole your coke? This one will keep you up until Tuesday.

Recipe

2 oz vodka, 1 oz coffee liqueur, 1 oz cold brew concentrate. Shake hard for foam, strain into a martini glass, three coffee beans.

The Pink Eye

Cosmopolitan. When rimming goes wrong, this one makes it right.

Recipe

1.5 oz citrus vodka, 0.75 oz triple sec, 0.75 oz cranberry, 0.5 oz lime. Shake, strain into a martini glass.

Tighty Whities

White Russian. Bulgy in the front, creamy throughout, and well past the point of bleach.

Recipe

2 oz vodka, 1 oz coffee liqueur, 1 oz cream or Irish cream. Build over ice in a rocks glass.

Hung Like a Mule

Moscow mule. Size queens welcome. Pick your size:

• Hung Like a Mule: 2 oz vodka
• Hung Like a Horse: 3 oz vodka
• The Big Jim: 4 oz vodka. You'll feel it tomorrow.

Recipe

vodka, 0.5 oz lime, 4 oz ginger beer over ice, lime wedge. For the Horse and the Big Jim, use a pint glass and 0.75 oz lime.

Gay Water

Vodka soda. The official hydration of every gay man in Chicago. Zero carbs, zero personality.

Recipe

2 oz vodka over ice, top with the guest's choice of flavored seltzer, squeeze of lime. Add a light-up cube and a few frozen raspberries.

Cocaine in a Can

Red Bull vodka. Cheaper than the real thing, and you don't have to text a guy named Tyler.

Recipe

2 oz vodka over ice, top with 4 oz Red Bull, lime wedge.

The Pool Boy

You pay rent with your body. You deserve this (for now).

Vodka, blue curaçao, pineapple, and lemon-lime soda, tall and electric blue, with an umbrella.

Recipe

1.5 oz vodka, 0.75 oz blue curaçao, 2 oz pineapple juice over ice in a tall glass. Top with lemon-lime soda. Light-up cube, umbrella, cherry. Less pineapple and more soda gives a truer blue.

The Piss Pig

Golden, bubbly, and served by the pint. Drink two and he'll taste the difference.

Vodka, a lot of pineapple, lemon, and ginger ale over ice in a pint glass.

Recipe

2 oz vodka, 3 oz pineapple juice, 0.5 oz lemon over ice in a pint glass. Top with ginger ale. A light-up cube glows yellow in this one.

The Gym Selfie

Pre-workout for people who are absolutely not working out. Flex, post, delete, repost.

Vodka, peach schnapps, lemon, and strawberry lemonade Celsius, tall over ice with frozen berries.

Recipe

1.5 oz vodka, 0.5 oz peach schnapps, 0.5 oz lemon over ice in a tall glass. Top with 4 oz strawberry lemonade Celsius and add frozen berries. One can covers three drinks.

Side Erasure

(Mind Eraser) We do exist! But not for long after this one.

Coffee liqueur, vodka, and seltzer, layered over ice and finished in one go through a straw.

Recipe

fill a rocks glass with ice. Layer 1 oz coffee liqueur, 1 oz vodka, then 1 oz seltzer. Don't stir. Serve with a straw.

The Red Pill

(Woo Woo) Close your eyes, open your mouth, and share your most conservative take.

Vodka, peach schnapps, cranberry, and a drop of grenadine.

Recipe

0.75 oz vodka, 0.5 oz peach schnapps, 0.5 oz cranberry, a few drops of grenadine, shaken.

Blue Balls

(Blue Kamikaze) It's really not cool if you don't finish.

Vodka, blue curaçao, and lime.

Recipe

1 oz vodka, 0.5 oz blue curaçao, 0.5 oz lime, shaken.

The Read

(Lemon Drop) The library is open. After shooting, read someone to filth.

Citrus vodka, lemon, and sugar.

Recipe

1.25 oz citrus vodka, 0.25 oz lemon, 0.25 oz simple syrup, shaken. Sugar-rimmed shot glass.

Gin2 drinks

The Dirty Bottom

Dirty martini. This filthy, salty treat is for those always willing to risk it.

Recipe

2.5 oz vodka or gin, 0.5 oz olive brine. Stir with ice, strain into a chilled martini glass, three olives.

A Wank in the Bush

(For uncut drinkers only.) Plz get vaxxed after this cruisy number.

Gin, crushed raspberries, lemon, and berry seltzer, served unstrained with a full bush of rosemary.

Recipe

muddle a handful of frozen raspberries with 0.75 oz lemon and 0.5 oz simple syrup. Add 2 oz gin, shake, and pour unstrained over ice in a tall glass. Top with berry seltzer and a big rosemary sprig.

Bourbon & Whiskey4 drinks

The Sugar Daddy

Old fashioned. He's older, bitter, pays for everything, and loves you smooth.

Recipe

2 oz bourbon, 0.25 oz simple syrup, 3 dashes bitters. Stir over one big cube, orange peel, cherry.

Bear Soup

The drink is cold, but the bears will keep you warm.

Bourbon, peach schnapps, lemon, bitters, and ginger ale over ice, with gummy bears soaking in the tub.

Recipe

2 oz bourbon, 0.75 oz peach schnapps, 0.5 oz lemon, 2 dashes bitters over ice in a tall glass. Top with ginger ale and drop in a handful of gummy bears.

Daddy's Kisses

(For good boys only.) Sweet, warm, tender, slightly scratchy.

Bourbon, a little Frangelico, bitters, and ginger beer over ice, with a cinnamon-sugar rim.

Recipe

rim a tall or rocks glass with cinnamon sugar. Add ice, 2 oz bourbon, 0.5 oz Frangelico, and 2 dashes bitters. Top with ginger beer and a squeeze of lemon.

Sneak Peek

(Whiskey Peach) This forbidden shot requires you to show genitalia to partake. No peek, no pour.

Bourbon and peach schnapps.

Recipe

1 oz bourbon, 0.5 oz peach schnapps, shaken.

Tequila4 drinks

The Rim Job

Margarita. Go slow, use your tongue, and say thank you.

Recipe

2 oz tequila, 1 oz triple sec, 1 oz lime, 0.25 oz simple syrup. Shake, pour over ice in a salt-rimmed glass.

The Cash Fag

He doesn't love you. Send it anyway.

Tequila, blue curaçao, orange juice, and lime, shaken and served up, money green, with a gold sugar rim and a chocolate coin.

Recipe

rim a martini glass with gold sugar. Shake 2 oz tequila, 0.5 oz blue curaçao, 1.5 oz orange juice, and 0.5 oz lime with ice, then strain. Chocolate coin on the rim.

The Endangered Species

(For Tops Only: Proof May Be Requested) Spicy, rare, and outnumbered ten to one.

Tequila, lime, a few dashes of hot sauce, and grapefruit seltzer, tall over ice with a spicy Tajín-salt rim.

Recipe

rim a tall glass with lime and a half-and-half mix of Tajín and salt. Add ice, 2 oz tequila, 0.5 oz lime, 0.5 oz simple syrup, and 3 dashes hot sauce. Top with grapefruit seltzer and stir.

The Josh Fyffe

(Mexican Candy) This manipulative little minx will gaslight you into thinking shots were YOUR idea.

Tequila, pineapple, and hot sauce with a Tajín rim.

Recipe

1 oz tequila, 0.5 oz pineapple juice, 2 dashes hot sauce, shaken. Tajín-rimmed shot glass.

Liqueurs3 drinks

Salty Nuts

(Chocolate Covered Pretzel) Take cover under some salty low hangers.

Chilled Frangelico with a salted rim.

Recipe

1.5 oz chilled Frangelico in a salt-rimmed shot glass.

Hands Free

(Blow Job) Hands behind your back. You know the rules.

Coffee liqueur and Irish cream under a pile of whipped cream.

Recipe

0.75 oz coffee liqueur, then 0.75 oz Irish cream poured gently on top. Finish with whipped cream.

The Redemption

(Nutty Irishman) The library is closed. Give someone a genuine compliment.

Irish cream and Frangelico.

Recipe

0.75 oz Irish cream, 0.75 oz Frangelico, shaken.

Mixed Spirits3 drinks

The Thruple

Three spirits sharing one glass. Everyone says it's working. There's no way this lasts.

Vodka, gin, and tequila with triple sec, lemon, and a splash of cola, in a pint glass.

Make it a Quad: add bourbon. Somebody always gets left out.

Recipe

0.75 oz each vodka, gin, and tequila, 0.5 oz triple sec, 0.75 oz lemon, 0.5 oz simple syrup over ice in a pint glass. Top with cola. The Quad adds 0.75 oz bourbon.

Let Them Eat Cake

(Chocolate Cake) Big, round, and delicious. Bury your face in it.

Frangelico and vodka, chased with a sugar-dipped lemon wedge.

Recipe

0.75 oz Frangelico, 0.75 oz vodka, shaken. Bite the sugared lemon wedge right after.

Popper Me Senseless

(Skittle Bomb) A quick rush, a warm face, and thirty seconds of terrible judgment.

Triple sec and vodka dropped into Red Bull. Tastes exactly like Skittles.

Recipe

pour 3 oz Red Bull into a rocks glass. Fill a shot glass with 0.75 oz triple sec and 0.5 oz vodka, drop it in, and drink it all at once.